recounted – Page 9

December 7, 2010May 18, 2011

a week in tokyo

[note: i began this post yesterday, but a.l. came home and i got distracted. now, i’m sitting on the heated toilet (with bidet!) pulling double duty.]

here i am in japan sitting across from n.i. in her apartment. our feet resting under a heated kotatsu (not to be confused with tonkatsu). a bottle of sake sits on the table with two empty glasses and a watermelon-flavored suika-soda next to it. she’s playing tetris while watching desperate houswives while i try to think of something to say on this blog. this is the quietest it’s been in the last week that i’ve been here and i’m grateful for the respite.

tokyo is a madhouse. walking down the streets is a game of frogger. you’ve got to dodge rushing human torpedoes, screaming vendors, and blaring billboards and advertisements that attack you from anywhere and everywhere. while new york might possess the same frenetic energy and crowds, there’s something about tokyo that makes me think this whole city is on crack and redbull ’cause damn i get tired from just standing on the street corner.

n.i. and a.l. live in a suburb not too far from the central transportation hub shinjuku. it’s a two story home owned by n.i.’s uncle. my favorite feature has got to be the combination shower and soaking tub. i’ve got to figure out a way to install one in our bathroom in sf.

n.i. and a.l. have been insanely amazing hosts and i’m not writing that just cause i know n.i. reads this wink wink. they’ve taken me to some out-of-this-world eats and sites and have been trying to teach me basic japanese etiquette and phrases, how to use the metro system, and the glory of vending machines and 7/11s. if not for them, i would seriously be … are you ready? … LOST IN TRANSLATION. i haven’t really missed the u.s. yet. perhaps it’s because home is where the heart is and where your friends are, there is your heart. it’s so great to see them and to know that no amount of time or distance can break these obie/bx bonds.

things i’ve learned so far from my travels:
– asking for help is not the worst thing one can do in the world;
– when an employee at a major tourist destination gives you directions, they’re probably right;
– good eats do exist at 7/11… when you’re not in the states;
– signs tell you where to go.

November 19, 2010May 18, 2011

human blockades

whenever i head home to nyc, i’m reminded of the intense pace of life there. everything must be done now and quickly. seconds are precious because there’s always someone there before you to beat you and get the job even though you’re definitely more talented and handsome and way over-qualified for the position anyway and who cares if you’re not a graduate of a prestigious program because you’re still worth it, right?

but i digress.

i love walking in most parts of nyc except places like midtown which are way too tourist-dense and reminds me too much walking in san francisco. why is it that i can go at like 100 miles per hour in nyc and not so much as brush another person (specifically, another new yorker)? yet here, i am forced to walk at 5 mph because the idiot in front of me is walking directly in the middle of the street and won’t hurry up and doesn’t hear you even after you’ve said, “excuse me” seven times — and STILL manages to bump into me?

you know: i shouldn’t even have to say, “excuse me.” people need to learn to just pick a side of the street and walk! it’s as if though san franciscans have a sonar system that guides them IN your way versus out.

i can’t hate too much though. we’ve all been in someone’s way at some point in our lives – consciously or subconsciously, physically or emotionally, willingly or unwillingly. i’ve been feeling a bit like that recently though it’s more akin to being a big ol’ blockade that’s just waiting for the war to end so i can be knocked down and lugged away. meanwhile, i’m just static and observing passerbys. occasionally someone will sit on or take a piss on me. sometimes they’ll like me so much they’ll chip away at my stones and take a bit of me home for show and tell. other folks find a way to climb on top, take in the view, then jump down on the other side and i never see them again. bastards.

asia countdown: 10 DAYS.

November 17, 2010May 18, 2011

faster than a speeding bullet: technology

i am so technologically illiterate it’s embarassing. i’m still stuck in a time when just owning a blog and a beeper was cool. now 13 year old kids (and younger) know how to operate smart phones and iPads and are probably required to learn how to program with HTML, JAVA, and Flash in school. new programs, websites, platforms, computers, and gadgets that are supposed to make our lives easier roll out everyday and if you’re not up with the trends, then they can actually hinder you. think about that older co-worker in your office who still has no idea how to use word or excel — or even EMAIL — because s/he never had to until the last two decades or so. well, that’s how i’m beginning to feel.

i’m at a crossroads where i’m like do i invest more time into learning about all these new technologies or do i just say fuck it? give me back prodigy and my rotary phone!

this is an age where all the guess work has been taken out of life. all your sartorial, musical, and who-knows-what-else tastes can be determined by “algorithms” based on a scant sample of likes and dislikes. we’re made to feel like we’re amputees if we’re not carrying a cellphone in one hand a my laptop in the other. why is it that i prefer to look at flickr photos of leaves instead of walking out to the backyard to look at real ones?!

i want to feel like i possess some techKnowledge,G and not feel like tech-NAH!-oh gee! most of all, i want to beat my nephews and nieces at every xbox, wii, and computer game and not feel like the old fart who can’t play 3D video games (which is the case).

so: to play catch up or to just let it be?

November 14, 2010May 18, 2011

what makes me laugh

this seriously cracks me up:

… perhaps it reminds me WAY too much of me as a little kid (err… or as an adult). i cannot stop looking at this! see the full “comprehensive gif library” at jezebel.

yesterday we held auditions for KT and a lot of strong performers and newbies came out. i think all the KT members were flattered to have such a good turnout. it could be summed up by what one of my sketchmates said: they want to join our group???

anyway, i’m so inspired by the auditions and now have two new sketches in mind to write. stay tuned!

November 8, 2010January 24, 2015

sorry is the easiest word

in what may be a rite of passage into adulthood, i’m dipping my toes into the consulting world. a colleague asked me to conduct a training so i stayed up last night researching what a reasonable consulting fee would be.

i have a good idea about what consultants usually charge based on what i’ve paid them in the past. i came up with a fee that i thought was very appropriate for the circumstances. as i was drafting an email to my colleague, an inner-voice kept saying, that’s a bit high for YOU, isn’t it?

with every clickety-clack of the keyboard, the voice grew louder.

are you sure you’re even worth that much? there are a lot more ‘experienced’ people who charge that rate, but are you anywhere near their expertise?

by the time i finished the email, i was so insecure about my decision that i had to send it to mgs for his opinion – though really, it was probably more for affirmation. he’s always been the opposing voice who says, “you are worth it” and i needed to hear it. but it was already 1am EST so the chances of him responding right away was slim.

it was ridiculous: i hadn’t even sent the email and i was already compromising my own worth. if i were an outsider looking in, i’d see that there really is no one else with the knowledge or experience that i possess to help the organization with what they needed. fuck it, i thought and sent the email off to my colleague.

this morning, i heard responses from both my colleague and mgs. the colleague, unsurprisingly, said she’d have to double check with the higher-ups since the fee seemed high. mgs, on the other hand, said that i shouldn’t feel weird to ask for what i think i’m worth. my first reaction was to write my colleague back right away to apologize and to lower my fee immediately. then i wanted to write mgs back to apologize to him for doubting myself. i started to feel an anxiety attack coming on until suddenly…

why was i apologizing? what am i apologizing for? why am i ALWAYS apologizing?

mgs tells me that jgc has banned his students from saying, “i’m sorry.” instead, they are to replace it with, “i’m sexy.” mgs tried making me say this once and i couldn’t. my belief in myself was just that low. but this morning, after reading those emails and perhaps finally recognizing this ridiculous pattern of self-doubt, i’m going to apologize for the last time:

dear world: i’m sorry for ever doubting myself.

perhaps i’m still feeling the afterglow from the beautiful ceremony yesterday. seeing da achieve her dreams despite all the forces pushing against her, i’m determined to do the same. fear and insecurity has kept me from taking risks, but i’m ready now!!!

i’m sexy. i’m sexy. i’m sexy.