Tag: recounted

i have no idea what to do with my hair. i want a new look, but there’s nothing much i can do with stick, straight hair that grows out horizontally on the sides and vertically down on the top and back. when i grow it out, i look like a porcupine that’s flatironed its quills straight down middle. every time i try to grow it “long,” i end up just chopping it off and having to start all over again. why!!!

i keep looking at chinese seniors and wondering if i’ll end up looking like them. granted, there are a lot of handsome and very attractive older, asian men whom i wouldn’t mind resembling in my old age. but there are also plenty whose beauty and styling choices are highly questionable. for instance, i was on muni yesterday morning and saw this dude who looked like he was in his 60s, which because he’s asian means he’s really about 75.

ok, now imagine a few hundred people climbing half dome in yosemite. they all start on one end in a straight horizontal line, then transverse across the majestic, smooth top, laying a trail of ropes all the way across to the other side.

that was his hair. he grew out the hair from the back of his head so that he could comb it forward, as if covering the dome with a few hundred hairs would hide the fact that he was completely bald on top. i wanted to be like, brother man — shave it off. if there’s ever a strong gust of wind, you’d like cameron diaz in her infamous scene from there’s something about mary. if ever there’s a pair of birds in heat, they’ll nest on your head. if ever there’s a really sunny day and you forgot to wear a hat, your head would tan in such a way that you’d look like a grilled cheese sandwich.

it was bad. please god of aging – let me look half way decent! let me grey with dignity and bald with grace. let me never be in denial about my receding hairline and let someone invent a pill i can pop soon so that my dome is always bountiful. hairmen.

if for nothing else, i just want a style that’s easily manageable. right now, i wash my hair in the mornings with just conditioner. i then blow dry and style with product that causes me to break out because i have a bad habit of touching my hair and then my face and then my hair and then my face. at night, if i’m not too tired, i wash the gunk out with shampoo and repeat the whole cycle over again. maybe the solution is to go bald, after all?

i finally got around to seeing dave chapelle’s block party the other night. i had no idea what the plot was other than, well, documenting a block party thrown by dave chappelle. after watching it, i understood that it was actually all about exploring the creation and mutability of community. it’s about what’s possible when we stop limiting ourselves and imposing restrictive boundaries of who we are or what we’re supposed to be. the “block” was an expansive geographic and artistic community that knew no limits and couldn’t be defined.

gondry did a great job of capturing the eccentricities of its subjects. he made me love people – warts and all. it’s almost as if he was encouraging us, the viewer, to go out and meet our neighbors cause you might be surprised at how much you have in common. i found myself missing living in nyc and specifically the people in the bronx. i miss being among all the p.o.c.’s, the lower/middle-class families, the street smart, hip hop, gritty, but sophisticated, movers and shakers who, no matter how hard they seem to work, knew how to enjoy life and to not take too much for granted.

what a 180 my life has taken. i have this very clear, sense memory of the feeling of summer humidity on my skin and the feeling of the occasional gust of dense wind blowing through our bronx apartment windows. i think back on how often i sat by the windows, dreaming of moving to a nicer home in a nicer neighborhood with a nicer job. i wanted security and comfort and, as much as i loved it, to “get out” of the bronx. the afternoon after i watched block party, i realized that i’ve achieved that (though is “achieved” the right word if i didn’t really “work” for it?). i live in a beautiful home in a beautiful city and i have a relationship and friendships that are greater than i ever imagined. the more i thought about it though, the more i noticed the subtle and profound changes in my identity that have transpired over my adult life. i’m almost unrecognizable from my former self! clothes, mannerisms, speech patterns, social circles — completely different. you can take the boy out of the bronx, but you … can’t take the bronx out of the boy?

anyway, i got really worried and panicked. i’m afraid of slipping into a state of passivity where i become one of those privileged pricks that i hated growing up. i don’t ever want to forget my roots, but who knew it could be so easily taken from me?

yesterday was good friday, tomorrow is easter. today is saturday saturday saturday!

spent the afternoon with my family who finally paid a visit to my new digs. they seemed to really like the place. #5 kept going on about how he wouldn’t mind living in a place like this where he had the amenities of a house, but didn’t have to take care of the upkeep since that’s what the HOA would pay for. it was good to see the kids after so many months! they haven’t really grown physically, but i’m just so amazed at how smart and ridiculously quick-witted they are (it must run in the family wink wink). my youngest nephew is ridonculously cute. he looks like an old man trapped in a baby’s body while his sister sounds like an old lady who’s chain smoked her whole life! really adorable. my bro didn’t mention anything about the car so i hope that means he’s over it?

no songwriting circle this evening as originally planned. we all slacked off so it’s postponed. instead, i went on singsnap, deleted all my old recordings, and made some fresh ones. the selection is slim-pickings if you don’t have gold subscription status so i just sung whatever i could find that was free and in the “featured” category. i always wonder if my neighbors can hear me (or if they even really care).

i’m really excited about tomorrow — not because it’s easter, but because we’re getting pancakes for breakfast! we’re also having some folks over for dinner after we attend the hunky jesus contest in dolores park. can’t wait!

when i get famous i’m going to make sure that every article ever written about me begins with my height so that when i meet me my fans in real life, they won’t be disappointed that i’m shorter than them.

i am definitely going through some sort of hormonal cycle because i am eating EVERYTHING i see in front of me. well, maybe that’s not true. maybe i just feel that way because i’m eating a whole lot of junk and get hungry so quickly that i then consume even MORE junk. i was so ravenous just now that i ordered takeout from a thai restaurant and ate more than half of what would normally feed both me and MGS for two days. no joke.

i wrote in my notebook instead of on here yesterday while sitting in dolores park people watching and reading plays. i found a clean patch of grass that was far enough from the tree to not have to deal with the potential dog pee/poo that’s been lain on it, but close enough that i could sneak under the shade of its leaves if it ever got too hot (which it never did). i was actually wearing SHORTS. now i probably have a bit of a farmer’s tan though because i am in no shape to take my shirt off. i cannot believe that summer is only a few more months away and my belly is sitting on my lap whenever i sit down. yes – i’ve been slacking on my keep healthy goals.

i am the worst multi-tasker ever. given the choice between sleeping in and working out, of course i’m going to choose sleep! i actually really admire people who literally schedule in exercise like it’s an important meeting that can’t be missed. whenever i slack off from exercising too long, i have this horrible habit of working out, then stuffing my face “because i deserve it.” clearly i have very unhealthy habits that need to be broken.

yeah — i’m kind of entering super red zone in my finances and need to find a job QUICKLY. wish me luck.