Tag: recounted

for most of my life, i called anybody and everybody i met a “friend.”  if you were in my class, you were a friend.  if you were in a show with me, you were a friend.  if i knew your name, you were a friend.  people would always comment on how many friends i had and honestly, popularity was a source of pride.

after awhile, i started noticing incredible disparities in some of my friendships where the balance of who gave and who took never arrived at an equilibrium.  well, let me rephrase that: i noticed at a young age that some friends just sucked the life out of me, but it wasn’t until i was older, more confident, and more self-assured that i actually cared enough about myself to come to terms with the fact that real friends would never treat me disrespectfully, whether through words or actions.

yes, i had cultivated a batch of bloodsuckers and fed their neediness with my own blood, sweat, and tears.  while it was easy to weed out the casual acquaintances with whom i shared the occasional awkward conversation, it wasn’t as easy to deal with these emotional leeches.  i wasn’t ready to because i thought that they were MY lifeline — not the other way around.

i’m fortunate.  i am so spoiled by love now from mgs and my close friends and family that i know when a friendship just doesn’t feel right.  i have less of a problem distancing myself or relegating bloodsuckers to “acquaintance” status (if that).  the biggest change though is that i think bloodsuckers sense that i’m less likely to take their bullshit and they’ll back away.  or maybe it’s my B.O.

either way, i’m so grateful for the friends in my life who value me as much as i value them.  may i never take them for granted.

i like getting up early during the in-between hours when i can’t tell if it’s night or day.  everything — and everyone — is silent.  those who are awake tip-toe around and adjust their routines so as not to awaken the dreamers.  it’s this period when we’re the most respectful towards others.  but what if we were to act with the same level of quiet introspection and conscientiousness throughout the day?  what if in our daily routines we made just as much of an effort to be aware of how our actions could rouse those around us?

we equate being awake to speaking loudly, walking heavily, or making lots of noise in general, as if a high volume is a necessity.  i say, quiet down!  the loudest are the ones who want to be heard the most, but have the least to say.  but the quiet ones are those i tend to listen to the most.

i’m going to finish eating my salad for dinner.   i’m going to re-budget my asia trip and figure out how much i’m NOT going to be spending in the next few months.  i’m going to write lyrics for a new song.  i’m going to figure out if the chord progression of D to A to Eb (…i meant Em) actually sounds decent or if my guitar playing is so bad that it makes dissonant chords sound good.  i’m going to do some sit-ups, some weights, some pushups and then i’m going to shower.  then i’m going to read up on thailand and not freak out anymore about not doing anything with my life cause that’s a pretty long list of things to do tonight.