“As an Asian kid, it feels like the world tells me to be weak, seeing Vietgone however made me feel strong.”
That was an email that Qui Nguyen, the playwright of VIETGONE, received.
I bawled.
“As an Asian kid, it feels like the world tells me to be weak…”
Adults are just saggier versions of their kid-selves. I am forever that kid who got harassed on the daily in my hood with ching-chong nonsense; called Bruce Lee for lack of any other options; and picked on for looking the way I did — which was Asian.
School wasn’t any better, and if anything, worse. Instead of the blatant, give-no-shit New Yorker street racism I faced on home turf, school consisted of a series of micro-aggressions that left me feeling like a pretty worthless student. I sucked at all that I was supposed to excel at which was math and science — and really academics in general — and the teachers and students let me know with their side-eye and passive aggressive comments.
But I had theater.
My bowl cut and I walked into auditions for ONCE UPON A MATTRESS in eighth grade not because I wanted to act, but because I wanted to sing. My brothers were varsity athletes. I had none of that talent, but I could SANG. I had so much fun in my tights as Sir Harry, that I decided the next year to audition for the high school musical: ANYTHING GOES. More than a few jaws dropped, mine the lowest, when the cast list was posted and my name was next to BILLY CROCKER. The short, awkward, Chinese kid was cast as the romantic lead that’s traditionally played by a white dude who in the play pretends to be a Chinese dude. Meta much?
Lin-Manuel Miranda said, “And I’ve said this a million times, but it bears repeating: high school’s the ONE CHANCE YOU GET, as an actor, to play any role you want, before the world tells you what ‘type’ you are. The audience is going to suspend disbelief: they’re there to see their kids, whom they already love, in a play. Honor that sacred time as educators, and use it change their lives. You’ll be glad you did.”
I think it was with ANYTHING GOES that my mantra in life became, “Don’t Suck. Don’t be a disgrace.” Just kidding. That’s every Asian kids mantra from day one. Point being, I wanted to rep my people – the poor, the short, the Asian – and if I sucked, I would let down entire communities. You cannot fuck up this role in a classic musical theater show. CANNOT. I played it, I played it well, I brought truth to Billy without falling into too many racist cliches (I think?), and the show was awesome. I rocked that white dude. And it rubbed off on me offstage: I was a little more confident, a little more outgoing, a little sexier. I don’t fit into a box. I’m not traditional so don’t try to cast me traditionally. Did people see me differently? Who cares. I felt good and doing theater pulled me out of depression and made me feel part of something greater.
But I’m way beyond high school now and let’s just say I haven’t booked many Billy Crockers since, BUT the roles I am getting are equally and maybe even more satisfying: Aidan, Jian Wan, and now, Nhan and Khue. People that are meant to look like me. Multi-dimensional Asian characters that cannot be pigeon-holed, whose stories we’re finally seeing on the American stage. Characters that people of color can relate to on a deeper, cultural, historical, and personal level. There was a time when I couldn’t play these roles because they straight up weren’t available, but now, playwrights — Asian American or otherwise — are bringing our voices and our faces onstage.
I struggle with this business on the daily. I’m constantly thinking, “What am I doing with my life? Is this sustainable? How is this helping the world AT ALL?” When kids get shot at school by mass murdering gun fanatics, when bombs are being dropped on innocent lives, when tap water is knowingly allowed to be tainted with lead, when earthquakes kill hundreds, when it’s an election year, when homeless camps get bigger off the 101 in SF, when people think reverse racism is a thing, when diseases are ignored and allowed to decimate communities, when women don’t have rights to make decisions about their own bodies, when religious zealots ruin it for everyone, when a transgender person can’t use the bathroom, when Black Lives Matter is questioned… WHAT AM I DOING OF VALUE?!
When we get emails like the one Qui received, it reminds me that theater is of TREMENDOUS value. A great piece of theater can make us think and act upon all of those issues. It’s a catalyst, a bacteria that infects our soul and the only way to cure it is to take ACTION. Theater can and does change lives and empower people. Why did I ever doubt that when theater changed MY life in the most wonderful way, too?! I dream of winning the EGOT, but hearing that our work has affected someone in such a positive way trumps all that metal.
“… seeing Vietgone however made me feel strong.”
THAT’S why we do what we do.
Will Dao 