it was a long night last night. first, AL and NI found out that the second leg of their trip was cancelled… TWO MONTHS AGO! actually, the whole route was discontinued, but neither their booking agent nor the airline informed them of the change. so then AL had to call both parties to figure out what was going on and what their options were. i think i watched one too many episodes of oprah or read one too many travel reports about how to negotiate with airlines in these situations so i jumped in, pretending to be AL and tried, unsuccessfully, to get air canada to book them on another airline so that they could land in haneda as originally planned. boo hiss. the only thing that came out of the 2+ hour negotiation was a slight “upgrade” to the emergency seats which offers a little more leg room (as seen in the pic above). they are now, sadly, on their way back to japan. the apartment feels so empty aside from the birds who, for whatever reason, are still pecking at the kitchen window. the good news is MGS will be landing soon, too, and i’m excited to see him. it’s been so long!
the other night NI and i discussed our widowed mothers and how they’ve been coping with their losses. it wasn’t until relatively recently that her mother opened up about her grief and mourning process. i explained that my mother has never been shy about talking about dad and how she reminds me each time i speak to her how much she misses him. could it be people hold onto grief because grieving is a way of never forgetting?
though the circumstances are in no way alike, i think about how i feel when MGS is away: even though it’s only usually for relatively brief periods of time, there is a small part in me that fears “forgetting” what it feels like to be with him. if i learned to be independent again – watch movies alone, sleep alone, eat alone – then it’s like i’m abandoning the relationship (err — which might only reveal my own neuroses, but …). i imagine it’s somewhat similar to mourning a spouse, which leads the widower into murky territory. the trick is not to mistaken “happiness” with “abandonment,” which i feel my mom is definitely working towards. not to say there are not good memories, but if i understand grief at all, it’s much harder for a person to think about the “good times we shared” positively when you’re constantly thinking about “the good times we could’ve shared.” and to have to learn how to break the habits you adopt in coupledom!!! i can’t imagine — i don’t want to imagine.
Will Dao 